I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sobbing to NWA
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
