Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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