How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
