Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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