Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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