I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
