i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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