Whod you bang
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
