Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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