Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
