period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
