My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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