Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
