ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
