She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
