My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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