God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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