I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
