He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
