My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
