Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
