Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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