Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
