like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
