She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
