life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
