You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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