the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
