woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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