In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize