just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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