I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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