If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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