My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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