It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
