trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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