I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
