Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i now understand why vodka
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
