Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Never joke about your clitoris.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
