The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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