I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
