just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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