He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
