I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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