So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
