i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
