seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
