Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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