Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
