I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
