No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
