Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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