all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
