capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A bitchslap is in order.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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