is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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