So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
