That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
