i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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