the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were trust falling into bushes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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