I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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