woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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