She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
As shirtless as possible
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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