Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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