I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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