All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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