you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
