I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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