So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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