Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
