I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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