a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
