I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
