I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
