Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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