I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
