We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
