I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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