Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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