How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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