Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
