Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
