When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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