drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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