guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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