My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
