p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
