3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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