Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
