$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
