Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
