I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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