Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina just clenched in fear
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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