whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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