College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
