i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
