I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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